But don’t take a picture of your food with a flash. I love… I take pictures of my spaghetti with a flash so it looks like a snuff film.” Pro tip: don’t take a picture of your food. I’m hoping to get a series picked up -based off of it. and there’s a taco truck, ‘I’m a foodie,’ but it’s not the same thing.” “No, I have a blog. “I love food.” I’m like, “Me too when I’m drunk at 3:00 a.m. I have a food blog, I’m a foodie.” Nope, you’re just huge. I put my hand in the water! I’m in to cooking. Everyone you know, you say, “I married a chef.” They’re like… “I am a chef, sort of. So I got married and I married a chef, another thing that I was reticent to tell people because of our country’s preconceived notions about chefs and everybody has an opinion on food. The most you’re going to get out of me is just… So if I see you, you’re not going to get the full welcome bouquet, but it’s not personal. Amazing!” ‘Cause I’m so tired from doing all the other shit society told me to do. I don’t have, at 36, the full energy every time I see a woman to be like… “Kill it, queen! Mama. “Shutting it down in the name of the dark lord!” ‘Cause women are aggressive, we’re just not allowed to show it because “likability and wrinkles.” So we keep everything…īut we’re aggressive, look at the words we use on our “slay all day” tote bags and our “feminists with to-do lists” neckerchiefs. Okay? And I know other women feel the same way, not just because you’re laughing at what I’m saying, but if you look at the language that women consistently use to uphold one another, the language is aggressive. However, you showed up and so did I so let’s get it started ’cause life’s a competition. I do not hate you because you’re younger than me or prettier than me or as successful. Okay? This idea that just because she showed up I’m supposed to have this abundant love, I can promise you this as a feminist. You liking another woman should not be mandated. I judge you on the asshole that you are, we go from there. I asked her to make it again.” This is why China is beating us. So we all walk around and all we’re doing is blaming other women for our own insecurities and all of a sudden everyone’s shaming everyone by sharing an opinion that you fought so valiantly to get to exercise. She hurt my fee-fees.” That’s what happens. That if you say any criticism, some blogger in the back of the room is like… “Female comic shamed my choices by existing. That if we give an actual opinion, we’re going to get crucified. So we all walk around on this heightened alert like, “She’s amazing. It’s amazing.” Because in the wake of Me Too and Time’s Up, all of these important, very necessary movements, what’s come out of it is women policing other women and we walk around terrified as women of being called bad feminists by quite frankly other bad feminists. We’ve become like robots just like, “Amazing, amazing, amaz… – Amazing. When a woman says “amazing,” what she actually means is, “This isn’t about me and I don’t care and I’m a little insecure but I wanna make sure I’m being a good feminist and saying ‘amazing’ back when in actuality it’s boring.” Amazing. Okay? Girls, when you say “amazing,” I know you don’t mean amazing. But all too often you say something good like, “I got married,” and what I’ll get back is like… “Amazing.” I am here running on a platform to eradicate the usage of the word… “amazing”… …from our female vocabularies because I know what “amazing” means. What a scathing note -to start a special out on. Because we’re afraid that other women won’t be happy for us. I think sometimes as women we’re afraid to share good personal news with people. How old is she?” But like, you went… …for it. I was like, “I got married,” and you were like, “That’s great. I said something positive, you gave me positivity back. So this year was a really important year for me because I got… Thank you.
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